Bay Tree Blog - a page of literary indulgence,

Marian Keyes, international bestselling author of Lucy Sullivan is Getting Maried, This Charming Man, Brightest Star in the Sky etc, has produced this very uplifing book of baking, a hobby which helped her in her recent battle with depression. Keyes is very, very funny and her recipes and culinary advice are peppered with comments to make you titter whilst you bake, or just read it for fun. Here’s a few samples:

“….. put some space between each biscotto (singular of biscotti, I’m, guessing!)..”

“… Zaga lives in Belgrade and is an AMAZING cook, producing absolute feasts from a (Christ, I hope she wont mind me saying this) tiny kitchen.”

“The setting agent I’ve used is gelatine, but it isn’t suitable for vegetarinas, seeing as it’s made from cow’s hoof or something equally unthinkable So something else will have to be used. Agar-agar is a word I hear bandied about, but I’m afraid I don’t know much about it.”

“You’re thinking why would I want to eat a cheesecake that tastes like an aromatherapists couch?”

and finally, an excert from the Christmas Cake section:

“…all she can remember from that terrible day is overhearing Tadhg saying “Feck in another egg.” Then a while later Niall saying, ‘Feck in more flour.’ She has no memory of how the cake eventually turned out because she says ‘None of you ever at it anyway. It was all about the selection boxes with you lot, I don’t know why I bothered.”

Saved by Cake

Over 80 ways to bake yourself Happy

Marian Keyes

£16.99 H/B

Customer:      “Have you got any Glossop Calendars?”

Me:                  “Yes, here you are”

Shows customer calendar, which has photograph of Glossop Market bus stop on the cover.

Customer:       “Is it pissing down on that picture?”

Me:                   “Yes”

Customer:         “I”ll have it then.”

We went all the way to Birmingham yesterday and returned full of square eggs – not literally as that would be ludicrous* and besides which we had a Subway melt– but a very novel product that, hopefully, will be on our shelves in time for Easter.

I have so many layers on I have severely restricted movement of my upper torso and have probably inflicted second degree burns to my thighs from heater hogging, however, it’s 16:52 and not dark yet - hurrah!!!!

* or would it?????

Valentines is nearly upon us and the centrepice of our romatic window is a potato!!!! Curious? You have to see it to get it.  We are also pleased to announce that Man Tins are back in stock (hurrah), along with a collection of brilliant greetings cards from the same Company – the bright side – who put the following little piece of philosophy on the back of every card:

Be nice

Think happy thoughts

Champion Silver Linings

Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens)

And when you do love – love like they do in power ballads

(You know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you’ll never know another love like this)

Watch out for dogpoo

Smile at people – even grumpy ones

Be Nice

(oh I already said that)

Remember that anything is possible

And whatever you do

Always try to look on the bright side

I

Book title of the day:

Sleeping with Cats*

Didn’t Hermans Hermits write a song about that:

Woke up this morning and I was feline fine

Man cats in my duvet, the smells devine

Last night I met a new Tom in the neighbourhood

Something tells me I’m into something good

* Apologies to Marge Piercy, author of “Sleeping with Cats” - a memoir.

“By Jupiter, there’s a wicked wind from the East!”

Not my words but those of Carl, our lovely octogenarian, who visits us most days and has a substantial repertoire of quirky salutations and expressions. Some of these definitely need sharing and those that pass muster will now appear in this blog as a “Carls Classics” feature. Obviously, I will ask his permission first, so if the above quote is the only one ever shared you can assume that his reaction has not been as enthusiastic as I had hoped. This is a high risk strategy as Carl is not averse to bringing us the odd choccy and any offense may prove harmful to our future confectionary treats. Still, I reckon a guy who travels to San Fransisco to dog-sit won’t worry about his winsome words winging their way around the web.

For now, as Carl would say: “Toodle-loo”

 2012 is the Bicentenary of the birth of Charles Dickens and all over the world people are celebrating his life and work with events and activities to commemorate this very special anniversary. Although a writer from the Victorian era, Dickens’s work transcends his time, language and culture. He remains a massive contemporary influence throughout the world and his writings continue to inspire film, TV, art, literature, artists and academia. The BBC have kicked off the year with brilliant adaptations of Great Expectations (wasn’t Ray Winstone great?) and the Mystery of Edwin Drood. There are celebrations in the USA and there is even a Dickens Festival in the Philippines. Closest to home for those of us in Glossop is the Discover the World of Dickens at Stockport Central Library from 1^st - 29^th February.

If you want to know more about this amazing chap then Claire Tomalin paints an unforgettable portrait of Dickens, capturing brilliantly the complex character of this great genius – Charles Dickens: A Life – this may whet your appetite:

Charles Dickens was a phenomenon: a demoniacally hard-working journalist, the father of ten children, a tireless walker and traveller, a supported of liberal social causes, but most of all a great novelist – the creator of characters who live immortally in the English imagination: the Artful Dodger, Mr Pickwick, Pip, David Copperfield, Little Nell, and many more.

At the age of 12 he was sent to work in a blacking factory by his affectionate but feckless parents. From these uncompromising beginnings, he rose to scale all the social and literary heights, entirely through is own efforts. When he died, the world mourned, and he was buried – against his wishes – in Westminster Abbey.

Yet the brilliance concealed a divided character: a republican, he disliked America; sentimental about the family in his writings, he took up passionately with a young actress; usually generous, he cut off his impecunious children.

And if you just fancy reading one of his classics then here’s a selection to remind you:

Pickwick Papers Oliver Twist Great Expectations Nicholas Nickleby Barnaby Rudge Old Curiosity Shop

Martin Chuzzlewit David Copperfield Hard Times Little Dorrit Tale of Two Cities Old Curiosity Shop

“Oh Sairey, Sairey, little do we know what lays afore us” - extract from Little Dorrit (not Bay Tree Books on a Monday morning)

How much fun can you have on a Saturday with:

A Spotters Guide to Farts Around the World – with soundchip!!!!!!

Here’s a little extract from the introduction:

Farts are like snowflakes – each one is unique. They come in different shapes, sizes, scents and sensibilities. Every country has its time-honoured traditions for breaking wind, whether it’s to express intimacy, anger or unrestrained joy. …… The text explains release techniques as well as the cultural significance of each emission.

For connoissieurs please refer to – No.10 Jamaica “The Pressure Droop” it won’t disappoint.

First blog of the year – I’d like to say I’ve been in therapy after witnessing too many WH Smith Christmas adverts but that would be fibbing, although they did prompt a few profanities. However, being able to prostitute a few bestsellers at a pittance doesn’t compare to the effort your independent makes to ensure their customers get the best service. I hereby give you just a few examples of things that Smiths, Tesco and all the internet behemoths would never provide:

• Professional advice - honesty, experience and knowledge.

• Reading stories for children or rocking babies in prams, giving mum a chance to browse.

• Source/instigate and sell local gifts - eg. Glossop mugs, calendars, maps, t-shirts etc.

• Let the “map feeler” feel the maps – why deprive him?

• Googling information for customers and strangers alike.

• Ensure our gifts and cards are good quality and fairly priced.

• Providing a cup of tea for some cold and tired Essex contractors whilst they bought a map.

• Delivering to anyone who cannot make it to the shop.

• Ordering taxis or phoning mums and dads.

• Dog-sitting greyhounds with separation anxiety.

• Advertise and sell tickets for local productions, concerts and functions.

• Dontate books for local schools and charities.

• Provide tissues for vagrants (I’m over it now!)

• Put a book on one side ’til next week.

• Dry hats and gloves on the heater.

• Exhaust all avenues to find a book.

• Choose, giftwrap and post presents when customer isn’t able to.

• Identify a book from the scantest clues – “Its about a horse and the author begins with C”.

• Always make time for a chat.

So, here’s to a local high street, a local economy and a local community!

 What do you do when the local vagrant comes in and you notice that he has a huge pendulous snotticle hanging from his nosel? PANIC!!!!

I managed to find a tissue and handed it to him: “I think you might need this.”

He managed to catch it before it hit the carpet tiles and then gave a hearty blow before depositing the used tissue on the counter in front of me. Horror of horrors, of horrors!

“Would you mind taking that with you?”

“No.” he said: “You can have it”.

“Well, I don’t want it!”

Silence.

He watched as I rolled a carrier bag along my arm like a giant glove and picked up the offending article, before chastising me with, “You don’t need to waste a plastic bag.”

Oh I do. I need to waste many bags, a bottle of Parazone, a tank of boiling water, a whole kitchen roll and several layers of skin!