Bay Tree Blog - a page of literary indulgence,

Valentines is nearly upon us and the centrepice of our romatic window is a potato!!!! Curious? You have to see it to get it.  We are also pleased to announce that Man Tins are back in stock (hurrah), along with a collection of brilliant greetings cards from the same Company – the bright side – who put the following little piece of philosophy on the back of every card:

Be nice

Think happy thoughts

Champion Silver Linings

Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens)

And when you do love – love like they do in power ballads

(You know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you’ll never know another love like this)

Watch out for dogpoo

Smile at people – even grumpy ones

Be Nice

(oh I already said that)

Remember that anything is possible

And whatever you do

Always try to look on the bright side

I

Book title of the day:

Sleeping with Cats*

Didn’t Hermans Hermits write a song about that:

Woke up this morning and I was feline fine

Man cats in my duvet, the smells devine

Last night I met a new Tom in the neighbourhood

Something tells me I’m into something good

* Apologies to Marge Piercy, author of “Sleeping with Cats” - a memoir.

“By Jupiter, there’s a wicked wind from the East!”

Not my words but those of Carl, our lovely octogenarian, who visits us most days and has a substantial repertoire of quirky salutations and expressions. Some of these definitely need sharing and those that pass muster will now appear in this blog as a “Carls Classics” feature. Obviously, I will ask his permission first, so if the above quote is the only one ever shared you can assume that his reaction has not been as enthusiastic as I had hoped. This is a high risk strategy as Carl is not averse to bringing us the odd choccy and any offense may prove harmful to our future confectionary treats. Still, I reckon a guy who travels to San Fransisco to dog-sit won’t worry about his winsome words winging their way around the web.

For now, as Carl would say: “Toodle-loo”

 2012 is the Bicentenary of the birth of Charles Dickens and all over the world people are celebrating his life and work with events and activities to commemorate this very special anniversary. Although a writer from the Victorian era, Dickens’s work transcends his time, language and culture. He remains a massive contemporary influence throughout the world and his writings continue to inspire film, TV, art, literature, artists and academia. The BBC have kicked off the year with brilliant adaptations of Great Expectations (wasn’t Ray Winstone great?) and the Mystery of Edwin Drood. There are celebrations in the USA and there is even a Dickens Festival in the Philippines. Closest to home for those of us in Glossop is the Discover the World of Dickens at Stockport Central Library from 1^st - 29^th February.

If you want to know more about this amazing chap then Claire Tomalin paints an unforgettable portrait of Dickens, capturing brilliantly the complex character of this great genius – Charles Dickens: A Life – this may whet your appetite:

Charles Dickens was a phenomenon: a demoniacally hard-working journalist, the father of ten children, a tireless walker and traveller, a supported of liberal social causes, but most of all a great novelist – the creator of characters who live immortally in the English imagination: the Artful Dodger, Mr Pickwick, Pip, David Copperfield, Little Nell, and many more.

At the age of 12 he was sent to work in a blacking factory by his affectionate but feckless parents. From these uncompromising beginnings, he rose to scale all the social and literary heights, entirely through is own efforts. When he died, the world mourned, and he was buried – against his wishes – in Westminster Abbey.

Yet the brilliance concealed a divided character: a republican, he disliked America; sentimental about the family in his writings, he took up passionately with a young actress; usually generous, he cut off his impecunious children.

And if you just fancy reading one of his classics then here’s a selection to remind you:

Pickwick Papers Oliver Twist Great Expectations Nicholas Nickleby Barnaby Rudge Old Curiosity Shop

Martin Chuzzlewit David Copperfield Hard Times Little Dorrit Tale of Two Cities Old Curiosity Shop

“Oh Sairey, Sairey, little do we know what lays afore us” - extract from Little Dorrit (not Bay Tree Books on a Monday morning)

How much fun can you have on a Saturday with:

A Spotters Guide to Farts Around the World – with soundchip!!!!!!

Here’s a little extract from the introduction:

Farts are like snowflakes – each one is unique. They come in different shapes, sizes, scents and sensibilities. Every country has its time-honoured traditions for breaking wind, whether it’s to express intimacy, anger or unrestrained joy. …… The text explains release techniques as well as the cultural significance of each emission.

For connoissieurs please refer to – No.10 Jamaica “The Pressure Droop” it won’t disappoint.

First blog of the year – I’d like to say I’ve been in therapy after witnessing too many WH Smith Christmas adverts but that would be fibbing, although they did prompt a few profanities. However, being able to prostitute a few bestsellers at a pittance doesn’t compare to the effort your independent makes to ensure their customers get the best service. I hereby give you just a few examples of things that Smiths, Tesco and all the internet behemoths would never provide:

• Professional advice - honesty, experience and knowledge.

• Reading stories for children or rocking babies in prams, giving mum a chance to browse.

• Source/instigate and sell local gifts - eg. Glossop mugs, calendars, maps, t-shirts etc.

• Let the “map feeler” feel the maps – why deprive him?

• Googling information for customers and strangers alike.

• Ensure our gifts and cards are good quality and fairly priced.

• Providing a cup of tea for some cold and tired Essex contractors whilst they bought a map.

• Delivering to anyone who cannot make it to the shop.

• Ordering taxis or phoning mums and dads.

• Dog-sitting greyhounds with separation anxiety.

• Advertise and sell tickets for local productions, concerts and functions.

• Dontate books for local schools and charities.

• Provide tissues for vagrants (I’m over it now!)

• Put a book on one side ’til next week.

• Dry hats and gloves on the heater.

• Exhaust all avenues to find a book.

• Choose, giftwrap and post presents when customer isn’t able to.

• Identify a book from the scantest clues – “Its about a horse and the author begins with C”.

• Always make time for a chat.

So, here’s to a local high street, a local economy and a local community!

 What do you do when the local vagrant comes in and you notice that he has a huge pendulous snotticle hanging from his nosel? PANIC!!!!

I managed to find a tissue and handed it to him: “I think you might need this.”

He managed to catch it before it hit the carpet tiles and then gave a hearty blow before depositing the used tissue on the counter in front of me. Horror of horrors, of horrors!

“Would you mind taking that with you?”

“No.” he said: “You can have it”.

“Well, I don’t want it!”

Silence.

He watched as I rolled a carrier bag along my arm like a giant glove and picked up the offending article, before chastising me with, “You don’t need to waste a plastic bag.”

Oh I do. I need to waste many bags, a bottle of Parazone, a tank of boiling water, a whole kitchen roll and several layers of skin!

What to buy a man for Christmas? We have the answer:

Obviously the real tin is very splendid, not like this diagram, and you can see a photo on our Twitter/Facebook pages.

Imagine a place where blokes can store all their precious bits and pieces and, more importantly, free up a kitchen drawer! These brilliant storage tins have been going like hot cakes and, conversing with the customers, it seems like most men are afflicted with this need to squirrel away all manner of odd and obsolete objects. Top culprits so far include:

Allen keys - numerous

House keys - from houses no longer lived in

Fuses - spent

Batteries - used

Coins - foreign or with footballers on

Let us know what’s lurking in your drawers!

SL

When you take delivery of 19 boxes of toys and gifts the following events might just hamper the unpacking:

• The Pantomime A board arrives prompting a desparate search for drawing pins

• There’s a small stampede to sign the save the library petition, including one gentleman who sits at The desk for 20 mins to complete four questions (3 of which only require a yes or a no) and a signature.

• Jeff the ex offender arrives with a bag of cleaning products, none of which I can afford with the 17p in my purse.

• We run out of Book Token envelopes and the website keeps spitting the password back at me

• A tree or not a tree, that is the question, but the answer needs some debate by text.

• I find an apple core under the seats upstairs which starts a minor OCD episode

• A sudden surge for pantomime tickets – oh yes there is!

Quote of the day, on the subject of the Blessed Mother Mary:

“I go inside her womb and play with the children”.

Highlight of the day:

A lady bringing me a beautiful white cyclamen as a random act of kindness.

Discussion of the day (between an historian, a journalist and myself)

What to do with Glossops chimney eyesore? Some kind of grand statement, like the Angel of the North? Best suggestion - turn it into a giant fag that could blow out a plume of glittery happy dust upon the residents when things get a bit gloomy.

Scariest moment of the day:

“I go inside her womb and play with the children”.